Thursday, March 17, 2011

Nicole, Why Are You Shaped So Oddly?

Warning: this post is going to be rambly, kinda soul-baring, and likely a bit depressing. Please feel free to skip the words and just look at the pretty (I hope) pictures. After my week of OPI, I kept sort of along the same lines, and went with Nicole polishes. This was the week leading up to VD (uh, hopefully you know I mean Valentine's Day - though VD is about as welcome to me as that holiday haha). Not that I don't love the idea of chocolate (heck, the after holiday sales ROCK), or being loving and caring towards my partner; I just feel that should be happening EVERY day, not just once a year. Hmm, maybe I'll stop rambling and get to the pictures.

So, Nicole polish. I can say that I almost always like the formula, and the brush is pretty easy to work with. I tend to love most of the colors, and it isn't very often that I need to go over 3 coats to get full coverage. I know, most people won't even bother if it's more than 2 coats, but I've done as many as 6 or more without having too much of a fit about it. I suppose because I find it so relaxing to do my nails, so extra time spent on them is just a bonus bit of calming time.
I know what you're saying. "HEY! Wait a minute! You told me this was Nicole week! You, you, you LIAR!"
But not really. See, I wanted a green base to go under the polish I was really planning on. And layers means more coats, so more time to relax, which I really seem to need, especially right now.
I would imagine you might wonder why I need to relax. Well, it's not any one thing, but a combination that's getting to me. First of all, the recent tragedies in the world, especially in Japan do affect me more than I care to admit. I haven't posted about those things, because, well, I'm only slightly affected in that I feel empathy for the folks it is happening to, but those folks... I can't even imagine. And I feel a bit helpless, because there's not really anything I can do. I mean, sure, I'm sending my best wishes bigtime, and I've donated to try to add to the help, but it seems like so little.
So, while tragedy that affects so many is a thing, it's not the only thing. The more personal things are right here at home. Like, The Mate has had a nasty cold that has been hanging on really badly, and he is simply miserable.
We've been to the doctor, and he's got meds that are finally helping, but I worry so much about him. I mean, he already has constant excruciating pain, so adding this on top of it just seems so... wrong. Plus, on top of just having major open spinal surgery, it's even worse when he coughs or makes sudden moves. I just want him to feel better.
We do think the surgery may have helped a bit, so once he recovers from this, we'll start working on some therapy and see what shakes out. It would be really great if he could at least get to a point where it's a bit easier to get out of the house.
That's two of the biggest outside things bothering me, but what about the 'inside' ones? Well, most of that has to do with my psoriasis and the meds I'm on for it.
I've mentioned it before, that I am taking Soriatane, and I probably said plenty about the yucky side effects. Well, I stopped it for a couple weeks, and my skin almost instantly flared up again, so my nearly clear skin became blemished in a hurry.
So, off to the doctor again, and he has decided to double my dose of Soriatane, and I started that two days ago. And the side effects? Are some pretty serious ones. I only hope that I don't get hit with the worst of them.
I'm going to spare you the list of those for now, and put them at the bottom of the post, so you can skip that part completely. Mostly? Because some of them are downright gross.
By the way, this mani is one of the blingy kinds that I truly truly love. If I were the type to leave my nails alone for more than a day, this would be the kind I'd want to leave on.

Who doesn't like purple? Can't say I don't love, though it isn't yellow. I think by now we all know yellow is my favorite nail color ever, but of course there just aren't that many really great yellows out there. And I'd hate to limit myself to yellow polish.
That black there is my trusty WNW Black Creme. I think I've gone through a dozen or so bottles of that stuff in the past few years. It's my go-to black for layering, covers in one coat, and seems to stay put on my nails pretty well.
And that there is WNW French White Creme, which is my go-to white. Of course, it's layered with a lovely Nicole polish, because that's just how I roll. Okay, I'm a little strange, I tend to try out different things on my right hand, and then use my choices there to do my left. So I'm often completely mismatched between the two hands.
So, here I accented with the black on one nail, and used the purple as the base on the rest. I love the way this looks, because I love me some glitter.
Speaking of things I love, something else I love with all my heart (even more than yellow nail polish!) are my kids. And that's a whole 'nother point of stress for me. Not because they are bad in any way, because they really aren't. I'm super lucky in that my kids are awesome, wonderful people.
However, they live full-time with their Dad, and that's over a thousand miles away. Sure, they get to come for six weeks in the summer, but I miss out on so very much the rest of the year. If there were any way we could swing selling the house (Pffft riiight, in this economy?!?) and moving much much closer, I'd jump in a heartbeat at it, but it just isn't happening.
I'm not going to discuss the details of why they don't live with me except to say that it's what has worked out, and that's that. If I thought for a minute that their Dad wasn't a great father, or their new stepmom wasn't treating them well, I'd fight to the end to bring them home forever, but that would just be, well, stupid on my part. He is a great father, just not the somebody I should be married to. I'm really glad that he found a special woman to be with, and I wish him nothing but the best. Things are on the rough side for him, he has back issues too, much like The Mate, though maybe not *as* severe. And I sure hope it never does get that bad.
So anyway, missing my kids is a problem for me, because phone calls (rare) and emails (more often) and now, texting (yay!) isn't the same. It's not their fault at all that we don't talk on the phone much, it's all me - Not only am I the queen of procrastination, but I really just don't like the phone at all. If it weren't for needing it for things like appointments and so on, I'd probably be perfectly happy without one at all. But no, that doesn't work, especially since I really have to be reachable at all times for The Mate.
So, am I boring you to tears yet with all my whining?

If you are getting bored, feel free to skip reading, and just see the pictures. I did warn you though, that I was going to do this.
However, I'm feeling like I've bared too much already, so I'll just kick back and leave the pictures up here. The side effects I spoke of are at the very end, so feel free to skip them, and now, just enjoy pretty polish.
Pretty isn't it? I didn't want to do the heartsy flowery things, as much as I love hearts, because everybody else usually does that. Not that it's a bad thing, and I did do some sorta VD manis, but its just, a... thing I guess.

Gotta love that broken middle finger, right? Ahh well, it happens. I do file it down before too long, because, ew, all different lengths. I prefer them to be much more even.

Mmmmm bling. I love love love bling. And see? I did file down the rest somewhat, though not *quite* as short as Mr. Breaky. It's the meds, I swear, because they have all been breaking, peeling, splitting and such. Ugh.

Awww, look, a pretty little rose. Speaking of flowers, I need to take pictures of the tiny flowers coming up in my front yard. They look kinda forlorn, but maybe they will still grow well. I really wish I could get a LOT more growing in there.

Okay, I gave in and did hearts. Stop laughing at me.
So, that completes the pretty pretty pictures section of the post, and my babbling will continue here.

Mostly, I'm babbling so you can skip reading the symptoms of this med if you want.

Because, really, it's not for the faint of heart.

Or the weak of stomach.

Let's just hope that I don't get most of them, ok?

Sounds like a plan.

So, let's see what can happen to me.


Body as a Whole: Alcohol intolerance, Malaise, Edema, Dizziness, Moniliasis, Fatigue, Fever, Muscle weakness, Hot flashes, Influenza-like symptoms, Weight increase, Increased appetite.
Oh that is just lovely. So, I might gain even more weight, feel even more tired, and be more menopausal?

Cardiovascular: Acute myocardial infarction, Thromboembolism, Stroke, Flushing, Cyanosis, Increased bleeding time, Chest pain.
Beautiful, I could get blood clots, have a stroke, a heart attack, and/or bleed to death at any time. This just gets scarier.

Eye disorders: Xerophthalmia, Abnormal/blurred vision, Decreased night vision/Night blindness,  Abnormal lacrimation, Itchy eyes and lids, Papilledema, Blepharitis, Chalazion, Recurrent sties, Conjunctivitis/irritation, Eye abnormality, Conjunctival hemorrhage, Subepithelial corneal lesions, Eye pain, Corneal epithelial abnormality, Photophobia, Corneal ulceration, Diplopia, Ectropion. 
Whoa, there are words there that I don't even know, and I have a fairly extensive vocabulary! Go ahead, Google a few of those strange looking words, I'll wait here. After all, I certainly hit up Google after reading this.

Nervous System: Myopathy with peripheral neuropathy, Headache, Abnormal gait, Pseudotumor cerebri (intracranial hypertension), Pain, Migraine, Neuritis, Rigors.
Hmmm, abnormal gait, that's rather vague. I mean, am I suddenly going to look like I'm a candidate for the Ministry of Silly Walks? And for the love of gods, please, please, no migraines.

Gastrointestinal: Abdominal pain, Constipation, Glossitis, Diarrhea, Dyspepsia, Hemorrhoids, Nausea, Esophagitis, Melena, Tongue disorder, Gastritis, Tenesmus, Gastroenteritis, Tongue ulceration. 
I've always wondered, what happens if you have diarrhea and constipation at the same time? Also, what IS tongue disorder?

Liver and Biliary: Hepatic function abnormal, Hepatitis, Jaundice.
Ooh, maybe my skin can turn yellow. It's NOT my favorite skin color, only nail polish!

Psychiatric: Aggressive feelings and/or suicidal thoughts, Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Dysphonia, Somnolence, Libido decreased, Nervousness.
Well, decreasing my libido is probably not a problem, because it's certainly been in overdrive for the last, oh nearly 10 years. Hehe. What can I say? The Mate is one sexy guy. Those other ones though, those don't sound like fun at all. Especially since I already have psychiatric issues.

Skin and Appendages: Thinning of the skin, skin fragility and scaling may occur all over the body, particularly on the palms and soles; nail fragility is frequently observed. Alopecia Skin peeling. Dry skin Nail disorder Pruritus, Erythematous rash, Hyperesthesia, Paresthesia, Paronychia Skin atrophy, Abnormal skin odor, Psoriasiform rash, Acne, Otitis externa, Purpura, Breast pain, Photosensitivity reaction, Abnormal hair texture, Pyogenic granuloma, Cyst, Eczema, Furunculosis, Skin nodule, Skin fissures, Hair discoloration, Skin hypertrophy, Dermatitis, Skin ulceration, Herpes simplex, Skin disorder, Increased sweating, Sunburn, Hyperkeratosis, Skin irritation, Hypertrichosis, Sweat gland disorder, Infection, Hypoesthesia, Impaired healing, Urticaria, Otitis media, Verrucae.
Wow, there are a whole bunch more words in there that I gotta Google. Also, herpes? I, uh, thought that was a catchy kinda thing, not a caused by meds kinda thing. I mean, it's totally common anymore, and not really such an awful thing, especially when you realize that a simple cold sore is the herp. And bunches of people get those at times. I can vouch that the nail fragility thing is way true.

Mucous Membranes: Cheilitis, Rhinitis, Dry mouth, Epistaxis, Gingival bleeding, Stomatitis, Altered saliva, Hemorrhage, Gingivitis, Thirst, Anal disorder, Pharyngitis, Increased saliva, Ulcerative stomatitis, Gum hyperplasia. 
Whoa, whoa, whoa. ANAL disorder? That just sounds horrible to me. Thirst, I can deal with. Dry mouth sucks, but I can deal. Oh, and just what is altered saliva? Is it going to become acidic or something? Will I start to breathe fire? That would be cool.

Respiratory: Sinusitis, Coughing, Increased sputum, Laryngitis.
Hehe. I could lose my voice. Like that would bother anybody.

Special Senses/Other: Earache, Ceruminosis, Taste perversion, Deafness, Tinnitus, Taste loss.
Taste perversion. Hehehe. Like I'm not perverted all on my own. I could definitely deal with taste loss better than deafness. 

Urinary: Abnormal urine, Dysuria, Penis disorder.
Okay, so we *KNOW* one side effect I won't get!

I can't donate blood for at LEAST three years after coming off this med. I can't have kids (luckily, that is impossible anyway) because pregnancy is bad bad bad with this drug. It can cause some serious liver damage, raises cholesterol, can wreak havoc with the pancreas, and cause diabetes. No taking Vitamin A, I have to avoid too much sun, I'll need monthly liver tests, and I should stay away from alcohol (which is really not such a big thing).

And you know what? I think all of those risks are worth it, because it has already shown me that I CAN have nearly clear skin. So if I gotta go through some misery for that? I so will. If I get to the point where I'm not scaling all over and itchy and painful, I will deal with the rest of these for as long as I have to.

And now, bedtime. Hope I don't drive too many people away with my whining and crap.